Church Marketing Sucks

The Internet is home to five years of crummy church signs, you’ve played with the church sign generator and we’ve done our fair share of lamenting ridiculous signage. But did you know that the name on the sign could be just as hilariously bad as those cheesy stick-on letters?

Neil Cole did He lists some of the hilarious church names his mentor has cataloged over the past years. Here was my favorite, which was a bit long to include in our options:

First Church of the Last Chance World on Fire Revival and Military Academy (in Dade City, Fla.). These folks have the first and last word on just about any subject. I don’t even want to ask what sort of military they are training.

This name didn’t come easy. It’s a mix between a poetic masterpiece and a frightening omen, constructed with strength and prowess. The first six words drip with consonance and rhythm, rolling of the tongue beautifully: First Church of the Last Chance. But from there, the final seven words turn to mayhem and madness: World on Fire Revival and Military Academy. Man, what a great name.

Of our poll options, the runaway winner was the Original Church of God, Number 2. You guys are suckers for some great irony. Nearly half of you preferred, OCoG#2, who have a pretty great acronym to boot.

Plenty of you were also fans of Hell for Certain and James Bond United Community Church, while I thought Lover’s Lane Episcopal Church had a particularly poor showing. After that, it’s pretty much just handfuls of you with particular affinity for each name.

I’m sure these bad church names are just the tip of the iceberg, so don’t hesitate to let us know your own experience in the comments.

And while you’re there, visit our home page to be a part of this week’s poll: How did your church celebrate Thanksgiving this year?